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Oct. 11th, 2009 @ 04:57 pm
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Oct. 11th, 2009 @ 04:54 pm
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Jun. 9th, 2009 @ 05:17 am
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I'm feeling kind of lonely right now, maybe its after my training with Contact but I really feel like there aren't a lot of people out there who I can go to and just talk about my life, or more so, people who will ASK about my life. I went to dinner with rachel and holly - and it was a good time but i asked how they were doing and they asked how each other were doing, but nobody asked me how i was doing. Admittedly I normally don't have a lot going on but last week was brutal and it would feel good to get some of it off my chest. Jared is always there for sure, but usually our conversations are more for entertainment than dumping and I know I do it to him sometimes, but he has been interrupting me a lot lately and changing the subject right in the middle of what I'm saying and it pisses me off a little, and hurts my feelings a lot.
Maybe thats why I'm on such a kick to make friends. I really have no social network right now. I just feel like i need to interact with people and make connections.
I really messed tonight up, i slept from 7-11 and was awake all night, I guess I'm up for the day and hopefully I'll sneak in a nap later. |
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Feb. 10th, 2009 @ 09:29 am
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I hate Tuesdays, I can't think of anything worse than spending my whole day in and out of classes. My least favorite 3 hours class (child development) class lasts until 10, I don't know who decided that was a good idea. I think my body is finally starting to grow up because its getting easier to get out of bed in the morning and easier to fall asleep at night. I'm certainly not working harder either.
This is sort of a big week, two tests (neither I'm prepared for) and then I'm going to San Antonio with Jared for the MENC conference. Its too bad that his moron of an orchestra director scheduled a concert during the long weekend so we have to make it back after the first day. At least we get to spend Valentine's day in town. It feels like more and more people (especially the gays) at taking the whole bitter "v-day is for card companies" stand. How can people let someone else determine what they are or are not going to celebrate? and whats so bad about card companies making money? I can't imagine that its that huge of an industry. Why don't you skip out on college or a good job, because you know that's bill gates way of forcing you to buy a computer?
I got a new app on my iphone, its a pretty cool diet program called loose it, it gives you a calories allotment based on your age,sex,weight,height and can factor in exercise, personal meals, and has a food database. The only problem is that you can only set to loose 2 pounds a week max, which is actually pretty realistic - I just can't imagine weight loss going that slow. I lost like 10 pounds in 2 weeks and I felt like it was just dragging on. Its probably about time for me to get back on that wagon, I'll probably try to start something next week. I finally looked up a yoga place, they have a 10 days for 10 dollars deal and even after that the prices arent terrible. I figure it could give me something to do during my long day with nobody around and it would be a good way to work out. They keep the studio 98 degrees with 60% humidity so at least I can get rid of the bitter Texas cold for an hour or so. A quick browse showed how many new apps have popped up since I last checked, I'm going to check them out later when I have more time. I also bought a typing program for my laptop, I'm getting really tired of finger pecking, and the accuracy is so bad that I get behind in lectured when I try to go back and fix things, having to look at the keyboard isn't really helping my class room experience either. Ive just started and I can finger the keys but still without and speed or accuracy. Oh well, its kind of fun to get out there and learn something just because I want to and not because its due for something.
Actually, I think that mentality is starting to weight heavier on my grad school decisions. The more I think about the stress and constant worry of being in an academic position, the less I want to do it. Research would be fun, but it would just be psyc experiments all the time. I would want to be able to go out and learn a variety of things over my lifetime you know? Anyways, Its all really still under consideration. |
A man, in one of my classes today, remarked about how his sister had criticised his decision to go into psychology (she is a physicist). "Its not a real science because it changes every generation" she said. The professor gave a good enough response I suppose but psyc people often take the high road and offer a mediocre defense of psychology. After a while it gets a little irritating, there are certainly problems with every science, they simply aren't well publicized in our philosophically dead culture. Still, if I was standing up there I think i would have offered this as a defense:
1. It seems like the issue your sister presents is that psychology is measuring a relative thing rather than an objective one. Without going into the irony of a physicist, a member of a science who invented something called the theory of relativity in which all matter is based on, criticizing someone else for measuring relativity, I present to you this premise: Lets say little Susie is the most unique person that ever lived and within the constraints of humanity, she is the most varied person in every aspect. Now lets say that psychologists study her and learn everything about her. Even if what they learn about her doesn't correlate with anyone else, aren't the results a true and perfectly objective look at Susie herself? and if Susie had problems (which one would imagine she would) wouldn't it be infinitely useful (especially from Susie's perspective) that our understanding related to her even if it didn't the rest of the world? That being said Susie is still human and has human restrictions, she can't be so mentally varied that she wills her body sprout leaves and feed off of sunlight. What she is, says something about human limits and the human condition as a whole. There are an uncountable number of things that do not change with generation. It is true that sometimes psychologists study things that change from one day to another; sexism, prejudice, dynamics of relationships but we also study things that change very little; anti-social disorders, depression, suicide, etc. Both aspects feed into each other as well. The same is with physics, if you take a bowling ball and a feather and drop them at the same time, the bowling ball will hit the ground first, even though the laws of physics say they should hit at the same time. The problem is wind resistance. So there are variable that can affect how broader laws work and the same is with psychology. Ultimately you are dealing with a being that has a limited number of genetic combinations (60 trillion I think I read somewhere), combined with an uncountable number of variables in the nurture aspect to produce a lot of different results that are apparent as you move through culture and time but there are limits and ranges, its just messier. I would go as far to say that psychology is a far more complicated field than physics and considering we are only about 100 years old as a field, we have made great strides in human understanding and practicality. Physics WISHES it was this far along 100 years after its conception. |
| » Who called it? Yeah that was me. |
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Wow, so everyone knows when the class is about to end, after a professor has given out the homework and is wrapping up questions and everyone starts putting their things away, generally its seen as fairly rude from the prof's standpoint and I agree to some extent and I'm normally observant of their feelings. However, in my child development class, which she insists on stretching as long as possible (its a 3 hour class) with her boring personal stories and slow and repetitive lecturing. Q and A was running at least 5 minutes long so I did what most of the class had done 5 minutes ago and put my computer in my bag. As soon as it hits the ground, this woman starts screaming (literally screaming) IF YOU WANT TO MAKE ME MAD, IF YOU WANT TO SEE ME BITCHY THEN START PACKING UP EARLY. ITS RUDE AND I WON'T PUT UP WITH IT. ESPECIALLY WHEN I STILL HAVE 35 MINUTES OF YOUR TIME BUT EVEN IF IT IS 9:45 (when the class releases) DON'T PACK UP WHILE I'M STILL TALKING. NOW SOMEBODY BETTER PUT ME IN A GOOD MOOD RIGHT NOW! *cue tearing up*. Wow, just wow. Again, I sympathize that it is rude, but its one of those things that isn't intended to be so. Screaming at the class because they aren't adhering to your standard of etiquette, that's intentionally rude. Its a blatant abuse of your power, I bet you don't go up to people picking their nose on the street and take that tone with them. Is it ironic that i just had my psychology of gender class, the class before? As much as I agree with feminism I wish I could have youtubed that movie and used it of an example of how NOT to be a woman in the workplace. Embarrassing, explosive, emotional, if a baby fell out of her right then and there she couldn't have been a better caricature. I'm thinking about sending an anonymous e-mail to her, though I'm not sure if she would get it, really this post is to help me cool down. Just to really drag this out, I think its RUDE that she holds us for much longer than there is relevant material, I think its rude that she talks down to us with her ridiculous activities, and I think its rude that she spends at least half the time talking about her personal life to fill the time. I have a life and an menial activity I could choose would be a better use of my time than hearing about taking your mom to the spa.
Jan. 20th, 2009 @ 09:31 pm
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I'm so glad to be home, this Thanksgiving with my relatives was pretty much a complete bust. Its always sad to see how much I have changed and even though I am growing for the better it often means growing apart from the people I used to be so close too. I'm a reflective person and I try to be understanding of the choices other people make in their lives, but sometimes its so disappointing to see people take the easy road. Its like you can see their humanity slipping away. Over the past 2 or three years things have changed with so many of my cousins and I've seen them take the easier path and adopt belief systems I can't follow. When my cousin Barrett was 18 he got married, a classic mistake. He was really the marrying type though, he was a sweet kid and he could have used that partnership to really get ahead in life but he fell in with a bad crowd and ended up hating being tied down and regretting getting married. He mistreated his wife and joined the military to try and get away from it all. I think he has found a better class of friends but there is something so anti-intellectual about the military to me. I would never do it and I admit that I look down on the people who do. His younger brother was close to him and also tried to join the military but vision problems prevented him. He wants to move up and stay with my parents to try and make something of himself but I know that he just expects something will happen. He still doesn't understand the work you have to put into something you want. My disappointment this semester was my cousin, Amber from a different aunt. Shes always been a smart and sweet girl. She always believed in making something of yourself and rejected the idea of getting married and settling down just because life is too hard otherwise. But when I came to see her this year she made it apparent that she was giving that up. It must be so hard for her, her parents don't have a lot of money and have no intention of helping her with college, she doesn't really have anywhere to turn for advice. Her psychotic dad is pushing her to get with their next door neighbors. They seem like nice guys but they are so dull and redneck that I can't see someone like her being satisfied with them. It seems to me and other observers that her dad just wants to marry her off to avoid having to worry about her, financially or otherwise. Her last bf was a good guy: smart, sweet, artistic like her, he could of had more motivation in life but compared to working in a tree removal company like her current prospects I much preferred him.
The more physical parts of the trip sucked too. Thanksgiving itself wasn't too bad, maybe a little boring. Due to some scheming from Amber's dad the night ended at 12. The day after we were supposed to hang out with her after work (which was 1:30) but she said her neighbor wanted to show her something, so we waited and had a long lunch instead. Turns out that thing was to go four wheeling and an hour or so later she calls back, shes now covered in mud and has to shower so that takes a little longer still. Most things are starting to close by the time we get out and we are left with only a little to do for the rest of the night. Rachel doesn't help by leaving and having a two hour conversation with her boyfriend. I can't believe how rude that girl had gotten I milked the guilt for all it was worth. Saturday we were going over to my aunts on the other side of the family for what we were told a "second Thanksgiving" at first it was set at noon then pushed to three. Being a thanksgiving thing me and Rachel put off eating all day and we finally got there to learn that the "thanksgiving" aspect of it was social and not edible. A bag of tostidos and a jar of store cheese salsa was laid out for the "guests". I don't expect caviar but would it kill you to buy a second bag of chips or a cheese plate, come on. One of our uncles who despite being 40+ loves to party with 20 year old's - that's not my scene and he has never seemed to catch on, I found an empty bedroom in my aunt's mansion and took a nap, by the time I woke up he was gone and I had some nice casual conversation with my grandma and great aunts and uncles before leaving. Sunday I discover that I get the honor of taking my sister and mom home. My mother and I have never really gotten along. Its not like we have anything against each other (well ok maybe a little) but mostly we are two different people and don't really have a lot to talk about. It was mostly silent the whole way home but it went from an uncomfortable silence to a complacent one. The reason my mom went home a day late was that for some reason they decided to bring my beloved cat Bonnie. For other reasons beyond my understanding they decided to let her out of the hotel and she not surprisingly went missing. I went out looking for her too but with no luck. It rained at one point and I feel like if she knew how to get back then she would have done so. My parents insist that she just got lost and went to some subdivision where she is living with her new adopted family. I think this is a little ridiculous as she is no spring kitten and was carrying a name tag with our number on it. I think it is more likely that she was either eaten by another animal or ran over as our hotel was placed between a forest and highway. I would like to believe that it was entirely accidental but my parents have said that they wanted new furniture and wouldn't be able to get it until the cat died. Now I don' think they would consciously commit such a crime but I do think they might subconsciously look the other ways and suspend judgment on a ridiculously stupid decision like letting the cat out into the wild at a strange place. I really loved that cat, out of the whole family she was closest to me. I feel somewhat responsible for not objecting more when they decided to take her on the trip but I was left in the dark about any decision regarding letting her roam free. I'll miss you my little bonnilitto cheeto.
Dec. 3rd, 2008 @ 02:54 am
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| » An efficient holiday |
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I can't believe how early I'm getting everything done this year. Last year was more of a last minute rush, with school, work, and living apart from Jared there was hardly any time to get all of our stuff together. This year we are hosting a Christmas party for MENC on the 6th so things have to be put together pretty quickly after Thanksgiving. We went out yesterday and between Target Walmart and Michaels we have just about everything we need. Its kind of sad actually, its like all the planning is almost over, which is the fun part to me. I even have about half of my christmas list (for me and for others) planned out a nice crisp, clean excel sheet. Its such and expensive holiday I'm already thinking about cutting back. MENC parties are hosted all year and we got the prime spot. There is an unspoken competition on who has the nicest apartment and the best party - or at least we like to pretend there is, one way or the other we plan to fag it up.
Jared's family is planning to visit his grandparents, a family tradition of theirs. However, they moved into a retirement home this year and even though they have a kitchen, their grandparents have opted to using the retirement home cafeteria for Thanksgiving dinner, needless to say, the Hudlers are not a happy family. At any rate we all decided to have a little Thanksgiving here (at our apt) before I went to see my family and he went to see his. I get to do the Turkey which is pretty exciting. I wish I had an old family recipie which I knew was great, but my family never seems to turn out a good bird and I don't think they do anything special with it so I found a recipie online with about 300 five star reviews and I'm just going to cross my fingers and hope the world isnt plotting agianst me. The stores are already running out of good turkeys, The bin is full bt they are all 20+ pounders. I settled on a 15 pounder and hope that it has time to thaw. I think Jared is making mashed potatoes and I'm making some craberry sauce. Nobody knows exactly what Tracy (his mother) is bringing over, I'm expecting at least 5 dishes to compensate for her turkey envy. I don't know if I even have that much counter space. I finally mastered the pom-tini, just in time for both parties. I tried looking up a pumpkin themed drink and many of them called for a pumpkin liquor but then turned around and said it wasn't offered on the market much anymore. Canned pumpkin is an alternative and I bought some to try it but I think its going to result in a much thicker drink than I would like.
Nov. 23rd, 2008 @ 10:28 am
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| » Rant du-jour |
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Tonight I officially met Jared's dad. In a typical Hudler fashion this was sprung on both of us, mere hours before the meeting without any real consideration for either party. It was Jared's mom's b-day and she wanted everyone there. No matter how quiet and uncomfortable we would all be. We said maybe two words to each other the whole mean, just a pass me this and a thank you. Which I'm actually kind of happy about. Its hard enough for me to be social around people who like me, being social around people who don't like me just doesn't seem worth the effort. I'm not really great at man talk either. From the cars to football, I have no interest on what are typically considered "male interests" I think its a lot like older women who center their lives around babies and collecting stickers. Take sports for example: we have been playing these things since the beginning of history and we still haven't figured out who the best team is, that is the point right? thats why we make the teams and they do their playoffs and championships? Someone needs to redo the system because there just isn't a good correlation from who wins one year to the next. Maybe a lot of that has to do with switching players every year, I'd like to know how that makes sense. How is say Kansas the best if they are using players from california? where is the "core" of a team if it isn't in the players? Is it a uniform thing? If Hitler puts on a cowboys jersy are we all ant-semitic? I would also like to know what we are playing for, the fans and the players. Sure the players get a big contract but thats because its their job and while winning does effect that pay, I don't see it as the primary factor. I'm always surprised how nobody seems to notice that there is no prize at the end of championships. Sometimes the coach gets a ring or the "team" (meaning the team owner) gets a trophy but thats not really that great of a prize.
In other news....there is no news. The year is winding down terriffically slow and dull. Thanksgiving is next week, Rachel is going down several days early ensuring that people will be tired of "catching up" by the time I get there. Jared's mom is feeling and looking a lot better, she should be out of the hopital tomorrow (even though thats the third time they have told her that).
Nov. 19th, 2008 @ 02:31 am
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My birthday dinner this year was pretty great. We went to the oceanaire, a restaurant I had hear many good things about but because of it price point and chain nature I had not gotten around to dining there. My parents in usual fashion spent way too much on the dinner but everything was amazing. I was especially fond of the strawberry sashimi appetizer. I can eat maybe two pieces of sushi but i could have ate the entire raw fillet. The crab cakes were some of the best I have ever had and the lobster was the only I had ever liked. My entree (trout stuffed with an andoulli stuffing) wasn't great, mostly because the stuffing was very lacking in flavor and in andoulli but the fish itself was very good, it just paled a little compared to some of the other things on the table. Emily had the best fillet I had ever tried, the ends were cripsy and camelized while the inside was medium rare, a rare feat for dallas restaurants. I also had a good cosmo, although its debateable how much variance that drink has one way or the other. I also tried "the oceanaire" the gin based, house speciality. I had never had gin before and I probably will not for a long time. I forget how I described the taste at the table but people seemed to agree. Some of the other entrees were a little fishy for my taste (however that was the nature of the fish being eatin so it was by no means low quality). I was a little lonely though, outside some very question-answer based conversations (mostly with my uncle who I never talk too) most people were talking to eachother rather than me. Now I understand that not everyone is easy to talk to at a table of 9 but the seating arrangement could have been better. Rachel sat to one side and she generally isn't good at conversations in large groups, we prefer to talk in private to exchange family gossip which is out normal conversational currency. Emily sat at the other and she wasn't feeling that well, or all that talkative anyways. At any rate, I shouldn't dwell on it because for the most part I had a great time and it was really fun. Mom got a little more drunk than normal and screamed "woohoo" in the lobby of one of the poshist malls in the country. The girls behaved and Mari my youngest sister even bought me a gift with her own money; its a little elephant bank that makes noise when you deposit quarters (cute), that meant a lot to me. I did feel bad that I didnt recognize a gift I had asked for, I had already had a drink and just wasn't that lucid. My mom passed 100$ under the table because she says I'm "hard to shop for" which is true and the money is appreciated. All in all it was a good family bonding experience, which is the most you can ask for.
Nov. 13th, 2008 @ 03:05 am
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| » Late night ramblings |
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I'm in a weird sort of mood right now, I'm almost completely wide awake and there's no chance of sleep. To me being bored is both not feeling like doing anything and not feeling like not doing something too. I feel like doing something, talking about something, or thinking about something but I find my mind a little blank. It is generally around the end of the semester that I've exhausted all the ideas I've been toying around with and while picking new classes and thinking about the future adds some fodder, it usually doesn't last very long given the large amount of variables that can't be accounted for.
I think I genuinely miss the election. When it ended I wasn't really sure if I was glad it was over or sad it was gone. There is something very gratifying about being interested in something that has both meaning and relation to popular culture. I am so far removed from pop-culture that most questions people regard as small talk (whats your favorite song/movie) leave me paralyzed with ignorance. I used to actively not care about such things, scoffing at their emptiness and appeal to the most basic of human emotions, now I passively don't care. I allow myself to be dragged to things, but upon getting there I realize that everything I ever assumed was right and everything I ever thought I knew was confirmed. For example, I took Jared to a smashing pumpkins concert last year for his birthday at the age of 22 it was the first concert I had ever been too - I was unimpressed. "Seeing" the band from 50 rows back is hardly as impressive as seeing a picture taken one foot away and I think common sense would dictate that a record that can be spliced, repeated, manipulated etc. will always trump the real thing in terms of quality.
For those who don't know I hate cigarettes. As a child I would hang my head out the car door only breathing at intervals while my mom smoked. Being an adult I realize that she was a total bitch for exposing her child to a known cancer causing substance especially when it was making him so uncomfortable, but that is neither here nor there. Now Dallas is a pretty conservative town, but generally in a reasonably conservative way. You aren't going to find a bunch of people in bedsheets burning a cross on your lawn, at the same time you will find a church on every street corner. The city and many of its suburbs have banned smoking in most public places including restaurants etc. However the one place I can't seem to get away from it is school. Now it is my experience and understanding that most professors don't smoke, in addition to it making you look trashy (which it does) there is some implication that you lack self control - a quality that will get you pushed out of the graces of your superiors, or maybe they just realize its a bad habit and has no justification. Whatever the case, I only ever see students smoking. It makes me wonder how such a thing could pass in our society where the voting public (old people) love to pass big brother agendas in order to "protect" the young people. Case and point, there has been a lot of legislation floating around the state that would ban 16 year old's from using their cell phones in the car. Now nevermind that cell phone use makes everyone a worse driver, that outside of a learning period (which hypothetically "old" people would have to go through once they were of age to use the phone in the car) there is no difference in a young or old person using a phone, or that younger people have better vision, hearing, reflexes, and spatial skills that make some ask how anyone over 50 is even allowed on the road, nope ignore all of that. There is no shame in the "do as I say and not as I do ideology" so how is it not in effect in the one area that would benefit me? I get into fights with my sister all the time about this. Her basic argument being "people should be able to do as they please without government interference. If you don't like it you should leave" now here and there I have been known to take up what I consider the more petty "practicality" side of the argument and try and reason how people dropping out of college, not going to work, or even leaving their house so that some people can smoke, is not justifiable, but that is really not the core of the disagreement to me. For me its the idea that in a society one gives up certain rights in order to benefit from living in soceity. I believe one of the founding fathers was quoted saying "the right to swing your fist ends where my person begins" now thats paraphrased for sure, and I can't tell you for sure who said it, but the logic is impecible. Maybe not always applicable but one has to accept the direct discourtious nature of smoking, exposing other people to something they consider vile for your own enjoyment at the beck of your own whim. This is not even on the level of farting in the middle of the room, as one is required to fart eventually, no this is a hobby, this is like people being able to fart because they feel like it, and doing it around you simply because they don't care. That's without getting into the health side of it. I don't know why they don't outlaw cigarettes, I think it is some lashback from the prohibition, or from making certain drugs illegal. This is different though, smoking isn't that fun. From what I am told its a little rush, a little sigh of relief, that's hardly comparable to what people would do to get hammered, or stoned, not that those arent bad too, but lets take this one step at a time.
Prospects for grad school have had me taking a more serious look at the city of Austin. Its in the state, which is good for Jared's career and it is also one of the few large cities in the nation of which I have any general grasp. I was relieved to find that the "keep Austin weird" signs, hats and posters the city is known for is in reference to keep small businesses alive and big businesses out. It warms my little capitalist soul. I imagine it as a cleaner, more docile version of Denton, which is something I could handle well enough. Although I could never indulge the full brunt of teenaged debauchery in somewhere like portland oregon. Austin is usually ranked first as the most friendly big city in the nation to live in, and also one of the lowest crime rates. so I was sad to hear that a lot of pushy bums have rolled in from the katrina disasters and upped the crime rate and are generally leading to some less friendly austonians.
Nov. 13th, 2008 @ 01:42 am
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| » More news on Prop 8 |
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So it has come to my attention that the premise of proposition 8 may be invalid. Apparently the public is allowed to tamper with the state constitution only for little things or more specifically: things that do not undermine the court's ability to uphold equality, things that do not change the underlying ideals and intentions of the constitution, and things that do not segregate or discriminate against a group of people. Things of that nature must be entered through the legislature. Now the courts have sided with us on this one before, so I'm crossing my fingers for it again. Its a longer stretch this time around but heres hoping for the system to work.
Things like this really let you see the depth of thought put behind how our country was set up. There will be thousands saying that its the end of democracy and that lunatic judges that rule high from the benches like monarchs are some kind of blasphemy against our once great country. The truth of it, is that it was always meant to be that way. There is a reason we are a REPUBLIC and not an unlimited democracy. Judges, contrary to popular belief don't even hold absolute power constitutionally speaking, its congress that gets the last word in, but I digress. There has always been skepticism especially among intelligent, educated people about the competency of the masses, a monarch type system has the same problem except you are just playing the lottery with which village idiot you select, even with a smart person its only a matter of time before inbreeding gives us a madman with bad teeth. An aristocracy almost works, except that many people who make a lot of money are neither moral or smart (though they have better odds then the general population at least in smarts). Socialism and communism seem almost alright on paper but in practice the quickly degrade into some kind of popularity contest with some Hitler like figurehead emerging on top. Our system has its flaws too, sometimes courts make wacky decisions, sometimes the populace elects wacky people, sometimes the elected people make wacky laws, but there are so many forms and levels of government that thing at least get a lot of consideration before being squashed.
In loosely related news, I was thinking about "religious" reasons for prop 8 and my most hated one immediately came to mind "Its Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve" usually i can't dignify moving past the ridiculous nature of the argument (oh dear, it rhymes so it MUST be true), but an instant before I dismissed it, it dawned on me: THAT is your couple of choice, that is to say, out of all of heterosexuality you choose Adam and Eve to be your poster child? I'm pretty sure through weeks of nagging Eve eventually dragged a pathetic, pussy whipped Adam to eat the forbidden fruit, on the premise that they would then be as powerful as God. Now I have respect for women, I however do not have respect for the female stereotype which many women play into, which happens to be the case here. Now if Eve was a Steve (in a stereotypical sense), she probably wouldn't have been such a coward that she needed Adam to hold her hand while committing the crime, she probably wouldn't have some passive-aggressive need for power, she probably wouldn't have bitched about it for weeks, and if she did, Adam probably would have smacked him/her. She probably wouldn't have some passive-aggressive need for power. Bottom line is the the mistake that has resulted in the entering of sin into the world, all the pain, suffering, death, disease, war, and eternal damnation that has ever existed and will exist would have not come to pass, and this is their reasoning against gay marriage. In a non-serious sense I submit to you that Adam was a man, and that God....is masculine in fashion. It is not unrealistic to consider them having some master/servant father/son bro-like relationship. Eve didn't appear on the scene until Adam requested a companion because he was lonely. Now if I was God I would be a little hurt, I'm not saying that he created Eve as some kind of revenge or half-hearted creation but I don't think it was the same quality of relationship as God and Adam had. Just my 2 cents.
Nov. 8th, 2008 @ 08:28 am
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Well outside a miracle, it looks as if prop 8 (the constitutional gay marriage ban) will pass in California. I think a lot of gay people are surprised to see Obama elected one day and gay marriage be struck down the next, two steps forward, one step backward I suppose. I wish there was some sense of logic that politicians and laws were held to. I cannot, in my greatest attempts find some way that a reasonable person could vote for prop 8. I take offense when someone says its a religious preference, because it most certainly is not. If it was a religious preference then you would be marching in the streets to annul Hindu, Islamic, and Atheist weddings, Christians certainly have the majority in most places to do so, yet I have have never heard a whisper of it. Last I checked having a different God other than the christian God is just about the worst sin there is -yeah- even worse than being a fag. Of course we should probably get into the idea of separation of church and state. I know a lot of people feel that it is not a "true" part of the constitution but I think its safe to say people who escaped religious persecution probably lean towards religious freedoms. Maybe I missed the book of the bible where Jesus walks into cities and forces them to obey Christianity in Sunday school. Although I'm pretty sure he went from city to city preaching to all who would listen and even told his disciples to witness in a manner that is respectful and modest. I would think God's intent that people be allowed to follow their own conscious is apparent in the fact that we have free will at all, and you aren't saving anyone's soul by forcing them to follow your religion, that's not how it works. Lets not forget that marriage isn't even a christian invention, it was around long before Christianity and fundamentalist have no right to "define" by their standards what has existed in every culture in the world. All that is a little beside the point because I don't believe Christianity outlaws homosexuality but that is rant for another day. Ideas that gay people cannot maintain a lasting healthy relationship or handle children have all been put to rest by fair, scientific studies time after time. This is what amazes me, that there is no argument, there is no debate to participate in, out of all the grey areas in the world, this is not one of them.
Nov. 6th, 2008 @ 07:51 am
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I've been looking through journals tonight after the race and it didn't even occur to me that I should probably log something away about this year's election. I remember watching the first primaries and looking up Obama's website and thinking "Hey, I think this guy has something" when he spoke you could tell the words were being created by an educated man, and each word had been meticulously chosen to convey as perfectly as possible the depth of his thought. I thought it would for sure be his downfall. His answers were long, logical, and calm, nothing voters like to hear but I cheered for him quietly in my mind while trying to find a republican candidate that I could even like, much less agreed with. Almost two years down the line I have seen a really fantastic race and while there were some close calls and skepticism we ended up in the best place I thought possible. I'm glad that in his victory speech he kept with some of the idea he started with: that its not about the president, a country is about its people, and we have to shed the stigma we have associated with ourselves since the 60's and start working for our country and being proud of our country again. People always refer to their countries as "mothers" but I think they are far more like children. Something to be cared for and nurtured when you can and something that will take care of you when you can't take care of ourselves. I don't agree with Obama on everything - I don't think any person can perfectly agree with another but I see in him true christian ideals; love, kindness, charity, which mean more to me than party affiliation. He has been called naive but I have heard him speak and I believe he knows what lies ahead for him, he simply has the courage to face it. I don't see the failings of someone who normally runs democratic or liberal, he isn't grasping for the poor vote through pandering, he isn't throwing money down from the balcony of his mansion. He has a plan, and an intent to make this country and our government more charitable and humane that is realistic and sustainable, he didn't write these policies to look good on paper and impress the voting public, he wrote them to be implemented, he wrote them to work. He knew where we needed to go on the economy before there was a crisis, he knew what we should do about energy before the problem was almost too difficult to fix, He knows what direction we need to go in concerning education, he is an educated man who has seen what a good education can do for a person. The list goes on. I don't mean to sound like on of those gushing "fans" that passes out at one of his pep rallies, I've looked at this guy and I believe in what he stands for. However in the middle of all that is happening I wonder if he - or anyone - can return the country to being prosperous and transcend our past victories, my prayers are with him tonight as he will soon take on a great challenge.
Nov. 5th, 2008 @ 03:22 am
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I'm getting into a bad habit of leaving journal entries up and then not sending them until days later when I don't care so much about what I was writing. Oh well. I got my test turned in on time and fully complete, although thinking back, Im pretty sure there was stuff I meant to change (again oh well). As a result I only got about four hours of sleep and jared and I crashed at 8 last night. So here I am at 4am - up for the day. I still haven't gotten around to writing that drop e-mail but I think I'll have it finished by 6 or so and just pop by his office. I've already accepted that there is a resonable chance he will give me the drop/fail just because thats the kind of person he is. Whatever it takes to not be in his class at 5 today will make me happy enough to deal with a little blemish on my record. Missed doing any stat homework yesterday (went to bed instead) which means I should crack open the books before class and after class today.
Oct. 7th, 2008 @ 04:25 am
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Damn I need a coffee. I'm sitting in the SMU student lounge and this place is putting me to sleep. Dim lights, two other people in the room, no music or sound *yawn*. I like having Jared as a study partner of sorts - he gets me out of the house anyways. But I don't like driving the half hour to smu and I don't like having to sit in another room alone. I think the school has something up that blocks aim which could be good because its normally just a distraction but I'm on the verge of passing out I'm so understimulated. Just found out that my test is not due wed but tomorrow -yippie-. Its my own fault for relying on my more often than not wrong memory. Its not a montser but I never appreciate homework. I have never liked the take home test, they are usually essay and require a degree of perfection that is difficult for me to give on any piece of hw. I don't see how they are "testing" anything either. This one is esspecialy odd in that it asks for definitions but they can't be from your book or an outside source, not even paraphrased. Now excuse me if this is ignorant but it is my assumption that a defintion simply, is what it is, any attempt to replicate it would ultimately be paraphrasing. I don't know you can change that and I don't appreciate the kind of guessing it would require to determine who is "paraphrasing" and who is not. I was thinking about it the other day and I'm actually somewhat of a fan of the multiple choice tests. Sure, I know they have problems -all test formats do- but their benefits are so great. The accuracy and reliability is second to none. I like walking in and knowing the kind of answer a prof wants as opposed to the open ended, multifaceted problems of essay questions. You could talk about a subject all day and not hit the very specific things they are looking for.
Oct. 7th, 2008 @ 04:16 am
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So instead of doing homework tonight I went out to see Jared's concert and have dinner....with his mother. She is a nice woman (to my face anyways), she loves her children and generally has good intentions as a person. However she is a little too much like my own family, a trait I PRAYED I would not have to deal with in a MIL. She drinks heavily, does white collar drugs. She is a blue collar kind of of gal and when it comes right down to it we don't have a lot in common to talk about. She asked if we wanted to go to edgefest and I avoided the question. I think I have mentioned this before but I am not so enamored by music that it does anything for me to go see it live. Classical, rock, whatever, music is something I choose to have in the background SOMETIMES not even a majority of the time. I am perfectly happy listening to dead silence. Not a good quality when you are dating a musical family.
I think a good cup of tea can be hard to find and while I really like Tazo teas, I just bought their organic apple red which is supposed to be like a carmel cinnamon apple pie (it smells like thanksgiving) I can't recomend it. I think with tea becoming more popular there is a greater demand for flavors, which i completely support. However I think its important to note that a cup of tea is about 99.9% water and therefore has a similar taste and consistancy. I was hoping this would be more like apple cider but its much more like caramel, which is one of my favorite flavors just not in water.
Oct. 4th, 2008 @ 04:15 am
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So many are saying that Palin did -ok- on the debate last night, and considering where a lot of people set the bar I suppose she didnt do anything that was so blatently stupid it would be caught by people with absolutely no understanding of what is going on. That being said, anyone who even posseses a drop of common sense could see that it was less of a debate and more of slaughter. There was definately and understanding that Biden could destroy her at any given moment if he attacked but chose instead to be more on the defensive. She refused to answer any of the questions often citing her experience as governer and her own record in lieu of any actual information about her candidates positions or plans. Her winks and cutsie phrases were all present and accounted for further endearing her to the rednecks who like her and the alienating the middle class that thinks she is mocking us, or at least insulting us trying to speak on our "level". She spent much of the time accusing Obama of things we have aall heard a thousand times and have been cleared up, however Biden took a different route and simply diffused her argument but pointing out that Mccain, had also voted in the same way. She had several slip ups with her understanding of Mccain which is on par with her history. Her defense of Mccain's health care plan was a joke, and Biden decimated their so called "people's tax plan" by pointing out how much money it was going to save oil companies and CEOs. To be completely fair, Palin doesn't have a lot to work with. Im sure if she was running for president her plans would be more intelligent and less corrupt than Mccains (although I doubt she would be intelligent enough to impliment them, or create a plan that is half as good as Obama's). I almost feel sorry for her, but then remember that she got herself into this, and despite her cutsie and pathetic nature she really has no excuse for the poor clarity of her beliefs or her understanding of national politics.
On a side note I would like to say how absolutely offended I am by her sexist "hocky moms and six pack dads" comment. Is that what the men of the country have to aspire to? As if its perfectly ok for children to have memories of their mom making sugar cookies and their dad passing out drunk in the shower. Palin, I KNOW you're a redneck of sorts, we all know, and purely by the fact that we can niether force you to change or punish you by law I suppose that sort of lifestyle is permittable. But by insinuating that men are either so valueless that it doesn't matter what we do, or that drunken stupor is our natural state somehow linked to the natural order of things is ignorant at best. Your america, is the one that misses the debate but votes on american idol 4 times or has a confederate flag on their truck and hopes that the south will rise again someday. Thats not the America I want to create (or even indulge). I think people are coming a long way and its nice to see men on HGTV who care about how their house looks or guys who choose a career that lets them spend time with their family. Guys who actually teach their kids how to ride a bike and right from wrong instead of taking them out to a titty bar when they turn 18. It is my experience, the experience of someone who has lived in a trailor and in the ghetto and the bad side of the tracks that six pack men are hardly something to joke about or aspire to. You would be amazed how many wives get beaten and children get raped when those six pack dudes are in their element.
Oct. 4th, 2008 @ 03:55 am
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Can you believe its already october? September seems like its been around forever but a blur at the same time. Fall weather is setting in and the school year is starting to have a more solid feeling about it. I'm behind, as usualy in school and the first two exams havent gone so well. Im recovering decently I think, however. I have a plan to start getting everything put back into place and in one of my more important classes (cognitive psychology) I should be carring a nearly perfect grade. I am seriously considering dropping my philosophy class. In all fairness the prof. is a fairly nice guy however he is pretty pomp, unintentionally condescending, and generaly unprepared to teach individual classes as well as the course as a whole. He struggles with the lecture (which he readily admits that he hasn't touched on some people in a while), he keep no notes which might be fine if he was good at his job but you can often tell some days are lacking in content only to find out later that he was supposed to cover a huge range of things that would have given illumination to the text. He is rumored to be a hard grader on writing and he is pretty difficult in the lecture as well. He expects a proficiency in the subject far beyond what is offered in the text or the scope of class. There is very little to learn, I think one either knows it or they do not. Unfortunately I do not. While I'm on it there are the little things that bother me about him too. He scoffs at traditional writing while clearly having no understanding of it, a habit he carries over to other subjects which he hasn't studied since HE was in college. While its not terribly important he wants the papers to be 1.5 spaced, who does that? double spaced is the college standard my friend. Anyways as I talk more about him and the class on here and pace around thinking about it, the more I feel like it would be a good idea to drop. On the other hand I want to proctect my new record at UTD and I'm already getting so close to graduation I don't want there to be any booboos these last three semesters - however if I fail the class it will look even worse. Some part of me wants to say that there are 18 other people in that class and if they can do it, so can I.....but I don't think I can. In fairness many of them already have experience both with the prof and the course material and I expect some who I feel, feel similar to me, may also high tail it out. Still I don't think Ive ever been the first to drop a class, part of me wants to attempt the paper and see if I can make it but a WF is much worse than a WP - not that I am currently gaurenteed one.
Oct. 1st, 2008 @ 04:56 am
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Is it just me or does the election seem really short this year? Not as a whole (in that sense its been going on for well more than a year) but i guess the primaries have never been dragged out so far over my lifetime. Although I've already chosen my candidate and I think anyone who has been seriously paying attention should have as well, I can't help but think how little time they have to debate against eachother. I feel like its the final round and I'm being shorted. Oh well.
On a more specific political note, I found the soundbite of mccain saying that he doesn't know if condoms help prevent HIV and that he has to ask his aid for his position on the subject. I told Rachel (although it was just the written text) and she never seems to surprise me with her shameless sense of denial. She said something about him "not having to use condoms". This I accept. the man is 74 years old, I don't know if he has even had sex within my lifetime much less be concerned with using a condom - his personal sexlife however, is not the issue. This is an issue he has voted on, that has effected people in the US as well as those in Africa. Its not like it would take a lot of time or effort to pick up a pamplet next time hes at the hospital for another bought of cancer. This also alludes (at least to me) the subject of obama's present voting record. There is all this criticism that he only votes "present" and therefore is not doing his job however I think there are some more subtle things at work here. First off all senators aren't actually ever required to BE at work - how that makes sense, I couldn't tell you. Aside from important legislation I believe I heard a figure somewhere stating that there are about 30 people hanging around day to day which actually says something positive about voting present. Also, as we have all heard by now there are many bills that have good bits but have special hidden bad bits thrown in, it looks awfully bad to vote down something like "world peace" but when it has (by killing all the jews) tacked on the end, you really can't pass it either. While I see room for abuse (but that goes with anything) I don't think voting present is some indicator of political slacking.
Oct. 1st, 2008 @ 04:21 am
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kaji_kun's journal